


lightning in a bottle

by stefonzolesky



Category: Nerve (2016)
Genre: F/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 20:30:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14386530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stefonzolesky/pseuds/stefonzolesky
Summary: A breath escapes Ian’s lips. He looks down. “Sydney is still alive.”





	lightning in a bottle

**Author's Note:**

> this is just me spouting bullshit cuz i had some feelings after the movie and i might have continued this but i could not

“Why didn’t you go back to being called Sam?” 

Ian pauses at the question, his mouth frozen around the straw of his lemonade.

It’s warm. Ian isn’t quite used to the warm yet. It’s bright, and it’s warm, it’s the middle of a day in summer. Vee slips her arm around his waist.

The two of them hardly break physical contact -- Ian has an overwhelming fear of being left, not abandoned in the sense that you would imagine, but lost. He loses people.

Vee nudges him lightly, and that’s when he breaks out of his own head and removes the straw from his mouth.

“I never really liked it,” He says simply. His mouth dries out. “And it reminds me of some things I’d rather forget about.”

Obviously, Vee thinks he’s talking about the game. And he is, a little bit. They haven’t exactly addressed the game since the day after it happened, but Ian still has nightmares about her dying (even though he finds it stupid that he got so attached to her after one night. It’s just like him, though. His first crush was on a girl he had met one hour earlier, and he promptly fell in love with that girl and then didn’t talk to her for two years.) He and Vee work well together.

After a moment, he sucks in a breath and takes a leap of faith, grasping Vee’s hand in his free one. “Robbie was my boyfriend.” He holds his breath. There’s a heavy pause.

Vee watches his face, and Ian can’t tell what she’s looking for. She pauses, her mouth open without any words, and then she manages to say -- “Sydney was my girlfriend.”

A breath escapes Ian’s lips. He looks down. “Sydney is still alive.”

“Right,” Vee says. More silence. It covers Ian like a heavy blanket, and he feels like he might be suffocating. “I’m sorry.” More silence. “Sam reminds you of him?”

Ian hesitates. “Yeah,” He gives in. “I mean, that isn’t it, but yeah. The game… the game was an excuse.” He shakes his head, giving Vee’s hand a squeeze. “Being a prisoner was an excuse. It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” Vee promises, but Ian can tell she’s worrying about it because that’s what she does. “I’ll try not to.”

 

Life becomes scary rather quickly after playing Nerve. Once you’ve been in, you feel like you could fall back at any time. Certain sounds make both of them tense up and check their phones nervously like they might have a new dare. 

 

Vee gets busy quickly. Ian finds that he no longer has adequate ways to pass the time. He tries to read, but his brain races too fast. He can’t just sit and twiddle his thumbs, he can’t stare at the window, he can’t sit still. Sitting still leads him to think about lists upon lists of things that he can’t afford to dwell on. 

 

“Sam reminds me of the person I used to be,” Ian tells Vee one day, once he’s finally caved. “I might try and back out of telling you this. Don’t let me back out. You’re my girlfriend, you deserve to know.”

“Ian, really,” Vee says. “You don’t have to tell me. I get it.”

Ian laughs weakly. “Hey, I said don’t let me back out. I gotta get through this.”

Vee nods. Ian sucks in a breath through his teeth.

“I think it’s important that you know, uh,” He falters. He tries again. “That-- That the name Sam, was a shortened version of my name.”

“Samuel,” Vee says. “It’s usually short for Samuel.”

“Samantha,” Ian corrects. He laughs awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “It was, uh, short for Samantha.”

Vee blinks once. Twice. Then, she says, “Oh, that’s fine. Tommy’s name used to--”

“-- Dont tell me,” Ian interrupts. “I don’t want to know. I just thought you should know that about me, and that’s it. That’s all.”

Vee nods. She smiles.

“Okay,” She says. Her voice is reassuring. She takes Ian’s hand in hers. “Thanks for telling me.”

Ian shrugs and squeezes her hand, a tiny smile tugging on his lips. “I mean, hey. It’s whatever. Right?” He pauses. “Do you wanna…” He falters. “We should…” He falters again. Then, he says decidedly, “I’m gonna go buy back my motorcycle.”

Vee frowns and says, “Ian…” but that’s it. Her grip tightens on his hand. Ian flashes her a reassuring smile, hoping that she can’t see the nerves in his face, or the flicker in his eyes.

“I need it,” Ian says, something pleading in his tone. “Everything seems so… mundane. You know? I need something like that to keep me sane, I spent--” His voice cracks. “I spent so long in that fucking game, Vee.”

“I know.” Vee frowns. “If you, if you really think it’ll be good for you…” She sighs. “Go ahead, I guess. Who am I to tell you what to do?”

Ian hesitates, and then says, “I love you, Vee.”

Vee looks scared, but she kisses his cheek and says, “I love you, too.”


End file.
